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“I want to teach my two daughters to be brave and never give up,” Lhakpa Sherpa said.
This article contains references to domestic violence which some readers may find disturbing.
Lhakpa Sherpa’s life is an incredible story: she holds the record for most summits of Everest by a woman, having climbed an astounding 10 times.
But behind the scenes, her personal life was dangerous and frightening.
She says she endured domestic violence from her husband while conquering the world’s highest mountains, including when she descended from Everest in 2004.
She is now based in the US, where she works in a grocery store and as a cleaner while raising her three children.
Her life on the mountain and off has been documented in the Netflix documentary Mountain Queen: The Summit of Lhakpa Sherpa, directed by Lucy Walker.
Sherpa is proud of the film.
“I want to show people that women can do it too,” she told the BBC, her eyes lighting up.
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Sherpas can climb the world’s highest peaks with minimal training
What’s perhaps surprising about her record-breaking climb is that she accomplished it with almost no training.
Climbing Everest can be deadly: more than 300 people have died in the region since records began in the 19th century.
Therefore, it is important to keep it in top condition.
In the film, Sherpa is shown hiking in the mountains of Connecticut to stay healthy, but she also keeps a regular job out of necessity.
“You’re an incredible athlete,” Walker told Sherpa during the interview. “So tall, so strong.”
“People underestimate it. To be able to summit Everest while still having a normal job is an incredible feat.”
The Sherpa responded: “I’m not good at education, but I’m good at mountains.”
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One way Sherpas support their families is by working in American grocery stores.
She was born in 1973, one of 11 children to a yak farming family in the Himalayan mountains of Nepal.
Importantly, she grew up in an area where girls’ education was not a priority: She carried her younger brother over the hills for hours to school, but he was not allowed in.
The situation is improving in Nepal, where female literacy rates have soared from 10% in 1981 to 70% in 2021.
But Sherpa’s lack of education has left a lasting impact and she still cannot read.
Things that people take for granted, like using a TV remote, are difficult for her.
Their son Nima, born in the late ’90s, and daughters Sunny, 22, and Shinee, 17, help bridge the gap.
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Sherpas’ skills and passion are focused on mountaineering
Sherpa never went to school, but by the age of 15 she was working as a porter on mountain expeditions, often the only girl.
Her work in mountaineering has allowed her to avoid a traditional arranged marriage.
But after a short relationship in Kathmandu, she became pregnant and life became difficult.
As an unwed mother, she was too ashamed to return home.
She continued climbing whenever she could, and met and fell in love with Romanian-American climber and home renovator George Dimarescu.
He escaped Romania under dictator Nicolae Ceausescu by swimming across the Danube.
By the time he married Sherpa in 2002, Dijmarescu had already built a new life in the United States, settling in Connecticut, where they had two children, Sunny and Shiny.
But the relationship fell apart when Dijmarescu became violent, Sherpa said.
This was made evident in 2004 when a group of climbers from New England summited Mount Everest.
After reaching the summit, they encountered bad weather.
Journalist Michael Kodas, who covered the climb for a local newspaper, said Dijmarescu’s behaviour “changed almost immediately”.
Recalling this in the documentary, he says that Dijmarescu’s surroundings became “hostile.”
Mr Sherpa, who was in the tent with him, told the camera: “He was like thunder, like a bullet… George was screaming and he was hitting me.”
We then see several photographs taken by Cordas of her lying unconscious.
Journalists said they saw Dijmarescu dragging his wife out of the tent, telling her to “get this rubbish out of here.”
A turning point for the hospital
In the film, Sherpa describes losing consciousness as an out-of-body experience.
“The voices of people turned into the voices of many birds. I saw everything in my life. I flew close to my mother’s house. I saw through everything… I was ashamed of myself. I wanted to die.”
Then she remembered her children and said, “I’m not ready to die yet.”
Kordas wrote about the violence in his 2008 book, “High Crimes: The Fate of Everest in the Age of Greed.”
Ms. Walker later convinced him to release the film footage to her, including the raw tapes, calling it a “huge gesture of trust.”
“It’s a very difficult issue and very controversial and people don’t really want to get involved in it… but I wasn’t going to take no for an answer,” she told the BBC.
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From left: Eldest daughter Sunny, director Lucy Walker, Lhakpa Sherpa and second daughter Shinee
Despite the damage to their relationship, they continued to live together for several years afterwards.
But she said she was hospitalized in 2012 when Dijmarescu assaulted her again.
This was a turning point.
With the help of a social worker, Sherpa moved with the girls to a women’s shelter, where they began to rebuild their lives.
The couple divorced in 2015, and in 2016 a court awarded Sherpa “sole legal custody of their daughters.”
Dijmarescu was found guilty of disturbing the peace and received a six-month suspended sentence and one year of probation, OutsideOnline reported at the time.
He was acquitted of second-degree assault because court documents stated there was no visible trauma to her head.
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Mountaineers have lived strong lives for their families
Dijmarescu died of cancer in 2020, but the trauma he left behind is palpable.
Sherpa found it very difficult to talk about their relationship in the documentary.
“I want to keep this whole affair a secret. I don’t want everyone to know.”[ing],” she says.
But her son, after studying her past work, encouraged her to make a film with Walker.
The director told Sherpa: “When you were telling the story, you would say, ‘This isn’t about the last few years,’ and you would skip ahead.”
“And slowly, slowly, we are taking on the difficult things.
“It’s very traumatic for you. It’s very upsetting, you can’t sleep. It’s very intense.”
“But actually, people will love you more if you share that, because I think when you let people know that you’re going through a difficult time, other people feel a lot more connected to you.”
“Wounded women are very strong”
Sunny and Shiny agree with this.
The actors in the film said they felt “a bit overwhelmed at first, watching how vulnerable they were, having their entire lives exposed.”
They agreed to take part because “the hardships that our family has gone through, and how they have made us stronger rather than weaker, are such an important part of my mother’s story.”
Unsurprisingly, Sherpa says life was tough after the trauma of her marriage.
“Oh my God, I’m crying. I have a lot going on in my life. I’m working so hard and being so brave,” she said.
“Sometimes I say: ‘Why am I alive? Why don’t I die? There are so many dangers. I almost went to heaven and came back. It’s so difficult. But somehow I made it…'”
“Hurt women are very tough. They don’t give up easily. And I will keep on trying.”
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Sherpa holds up photos of his daughters above the clouds
Climbing is not only a passion for her, it’s also a healing process.
“I have cast away the darkness [on the mountain],” she says.
In 2022 she will begin her record-breaking 10th ascent of Everest.
We say goodbye to Shiny, sleep in tents near base camp, and begin our climb at night by torch light.
This means that descent from the summit can be done during the day.
It’s clear that the girls are proud of their mother.
Sherpa says he is trying to build a “better life” for his children in the United States, including getting an education.
“I’m working hard because I really want to change my life and my daughters,” she says.
She hopes to make a living through her own guiding company and find further sponsorship.
“I know the mountains and I hope to share my expertise and experience with others,” she says.
Sunny and Shiny added: “Women are starting to climb big mountains and follow in our mothers’ footsteps.”
If you or someone you know has been affected by the issues in this story, support is available via the BBC Actionline.
‘Mountain Queen: The Journey of Lhakpa Sherpa’ will be available on Netflix from July 31st.